Monday, February 1, 2010

Man Versus Child

As we are situated in one of Melbourne's more affluent suburbs, most of our customers are stay at home mums with nothing better to do than terrorize the staff at their local cafe.

Blonde, tanned, and on the wrong side of forty, they travel in packs carrying designer bags, designer dogs, and worst of all, Designer Babies.

Caffe Cinque is not a child friendly establishment. We do not provide high chairs. We do not allow prams inside the cafe, even when it's raining. We do not have a children's menu and while my Manager is still away, a Babycino costs $8.95.

Still, these women insist on turning Caffe Cinque into a mini day care centre, where they can let Little Anabella/Arabella/Isabella run wild and throw food on the floor while they sip their skinny lattes and bitch about the service.

In a last ditch effort to discourage their patronage, I have taken to wearing a home made paedophile's satellite tracking device during the day, which beeps when I stand within two metres of an oversized pram.

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